I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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