oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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