Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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