just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
