dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
