my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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