She is in my trunk
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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