So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
