i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he shaved USA in his pubs
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
How's work?
Spinning.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
