my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
