Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
