ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
