I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
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