I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
