I just pynch a tree in the face
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
