That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
