I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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