Sponge bath it is.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
