I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
