Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
