I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You are a genius and a whore.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
