happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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