The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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