I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
