I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
