jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
