I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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