He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize