Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
