wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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