so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
