A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize