If i come over, it means nothing
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
