Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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