I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
