I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
