Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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