Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
