ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
