she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
