why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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