i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
