I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think your dad took our porno
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
