Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
