sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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