Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
