he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
