I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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