He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
