Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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