she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
