The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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