It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
