Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
