Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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