last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
