I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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