Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
