Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
