he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
