Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
