sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Alive.
So much puke
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
