ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize