im having a threesome with these popsicles
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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