your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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