Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
