She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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