i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He has the fingertips of a God
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
